It feels unsafe… Has the second series of Epistaxis Time come to a premature end? Yes, probably. This show wasn’t submitted with the usual accompaniment of feverish text and ingredient listings, and I am loath to supply bullet-pointed provisional song titles for fear of error. Conspiracy theories abound that our host [...]

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You’re in for an anti-treat! This Epistaxis thrusts us into a beautiful plush environment of slurgles, polythene oysters bearing mucous pearls, a trolley quivering in an alleyway, crazed metal and meat agape. Feel loneliness.
Oil fat is mixed with Nivea Visage Q10 plus (the world’s favourite anti-wrinkle cream) bubbling wildly, then fed into EM [...]

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Now you’ve done it. This instalment introduces us to the dot matrix guitar (’printar’) emanating dotty boss riffs and hot licks (literally: the print head gets hot enough to fry eggs on) which are played and amplified in your general direction, love. Subsequent misery ensues:

Phone Chr*s Or Die Trying
Mama was a Shapeshifter - [...]

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This episode contains a sob story, but more importantly: a celebrity interview(!), but I shan’t spoilt it by revealing too much. How refreshing! Here’s a mapping to guide you through this episode’s construct:

JJ and his Substrates - Submarining
Magazine reviews
It Seems So Right, It’s Wro-ho-ong - The Effeminate Xylophonists
Sludgemunchkin - Sludgemunchkin
Heimlich Manoeuvrability - Cindy’s Workout Tapes [...]

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Under a could of financial/general difficulties our host finds himself homeless, so woos us with his ’sonic portrait’ skills that showcase his potential as your personal in-house artist (if you grant him accommodation, that is). A marvellous gem from his music collection follows:

Sam Jones - Hero
An enthused reading of a poem entitled ‘Onion’ ends [...]

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Following the well-trodden path of saying “hello” on radio and suchlike, attempts are made to orientate the listener as fully as humanly possible. However, the introduction is stripped of all credibility and matter-of-factness, as the dialogue was recorded in anti-realtime from within a phase inverted superelectromagnetic space-chamber which interferes with one’s perception of time.
I [...]

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A special episode of Epistaxis time, crafted to untertain popular iPod owining people. You get too much entertainment, so try to enjoy this if you can.

A depressing into.
I really want to die
To die on a Sunny Day

My Odeo Channel (odeo/62bb4b42de868b71)

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An exciting show about flicking cutlery is rudely interrupted by a rival radio station.

Government Health Music: “Squeeze it ’till it Bursts”
Intro; Flicking a Fork.
Pirate take-over, phone in.
Hiding in a Dustbin (A feelgood, summer kind of track)
A naughty story (Garden Waste)
Highly Inappropriate Conduct (Dance Mix)
Fork (A poem about a fork lost, then found in a street)
Scratching [...]

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A Promo for Dan Wilson’s first series for Resonance FM: The Exciting Hellebore Shew. To subscribe to this series, visit the Hellebore Archive or pick up the highlights from the Resonance FM podcast collection.

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Our hosts creates a “self-help tape” that will in time inspire him to talk more naturally with neighbors. A repetitive monologue about burgers and newspapers descends into hysterics.

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