Category Archives: Epistaxis Time

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A few months ago, I found a cache of tapes in a gents lavotory, wrapped in what appeared to be a suicide note.

While many of the tapes had degrated due to exposure to the harsh toilet environment, much of their content was still playable. I became obsessed with cataloguing the dreary, meloncholic sounds contained therein. I have encoded and placed here all that I was able to salvage, and as I am slowly able to un-stick the tiny reels of cassette I intend to publish the rest.

I know very little about the man who created these sounds, however I have catalogued the recordings and collected the meagre information I have about him on this web page in the hope that we may share this tragedy.

Epistaxis Time: The Self Help Show

Our hosts creates a “self-help tape” that will in time inspire him to talk more naturally with neighbors. A repetitive monologue about burgers and newspapers descends into hysterics.

Epistaxis Time: Humillation infront of somebody you are trying to impress

An incident in a library in which a stalker is forced to confront the boyfriend of his stalkee and ends with him throwing books at the object of his affection. First broadcast on the 7th July 2004.

  • A stalker observes the female object of his lust in a university library leading to conflict and self loathing. An unprovoked attack against the girl’s boyfriend lead to an escalation of violence.
  • An untitled melody that sounds like it was performed on guitar and bicycle spokes.
  • An untitled track that features moaning and buzzy-sounding percussion.
  • A hypnotic yet distressing electronic melody.

Epistaxis Time: Overdose Pie

This episode begins with an exciting yet depressing techno number about alienation, arrest and imprisonment. Our host bakes and eats a pie containing miscellaneous prescription drugs. First broadcast on September 14th 2005.

Epistaxis Time: Reverse Charges

The host of Epistaxis time presents a horrifying example of bad science; Reverse charges is a thrilling scientific experiment, and a bizzare work of performace art; Potentially our host’s very final work.

Our host’s head is suspended beneath a deadly contraption comprising a brick which will drop the instant a modified phone rings. Perhaps the most suspenseful episode of Epistaxis ever broadcast. Once again, Professor Finkelton proves that he is willing to die for your un-tertainment.

Epistaxis Time: Lamp Post Doors

Yet another scientific / musical experiement decends into rubbish and paranoia. Our host investigates the accoustic properties of stolen Lamp-Post Doors when suspended by twine. This show includes lamp-post door compositions and a visit from the Jehova’s Witnesses. First broadcast on July 14th 2004.