O! Savage & vile & pink & bloated thing!

Curs’d uncanny globule of despair!

Monstrous, too! So pale & shuddering!

Its gleaming talons clawing at my hair!

.

Hast this being come t’ announce my doom?

Its head is like a chaffinch or a gull.

It has been sent by Doctor Bogenbroom,

Invoked by minstrel-wizards Jethro Tull.

• Quotation from Shamanism In Siberia by MA Czaplicka
• Cargpan And Beppo
• Quotation from A Caveat Or Warning For Common Cursitors, Vulgarly Called Vagabones by Thomas Harman
• Bullfinch Advice
• The Adventures Of The Men With Whisks
• Scenes From The Lives Of The Poets : 1. Maud Abdab
• A Guide To Pointy Town : Part One
• A Guide To Pointy Town : Part Two
• Fiends Of The Farmyard
• The Seven Dwarves

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 18th April 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the two publications Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars and Befuddled By Cormorants are available for purchase. Photo by Yogi.

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Hooting Yard is excited (possibly overexcited) to announce publication of Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, a decisively sensible novella of high adventure, derring-do, and baffling conspiracies. Prior knowledge of arcane philatelic imponderables is useful, but not necessary. The book also contains two shorter pieces, one of which features mute blind magnetic love monkeys.

• Far Far Away
• Fangs In The Mist
• Dietary News
• Team Hooting Yard
• Blazing Excelsior Saturated With Turpentine
• Certain Aspects Of Plastic Baubles And Plastic Sheeting

Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars is available for purchase in print and digital formats. Please visit www.lulu.com for more information.

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 11th April 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the two publications Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars and Befuddled By Cormorants are available for purchase.

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I shall go. I shall bestride my horse that is known as the Big Frightening Horse That Gallops, and you shall watch us vanish in the dust as we ride into the sunset, heading for the huge and terrifying fiery Mountains of Awfulness.

• Old Farmer Frack
• “He Which Is Filthy, Let Him Be Filthy Still”
• True Adventures Of The Child Of Gumption
• Found At A Jumble Sale
• Actual Size
• Fangs In The Mist

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 4th April 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by myrtepeert.

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From the lych-gate of St Bibblybibdib’s, looking westward, on a clear day one can see the top of the Blötzmann mast, with its cherry and dun pennants. Turning to the east, the prospect is of fields rippling with wheat and rhubarb and hollyhocks and stinkwort, punctuated by ha-has and the occasional scarecrow.

No wild jabbering pigs are to be seen, for they were eradicated by the same unexpected lupine savagery which did for the squirrels during the nut glut, just at the time Dobson falsely claimed a nut shortage led to his adoption of the Blötzmann Manoeuvres as his favoured way of trimming the tallow candle wicks the untrimmedness of which set his teeth on edge so.

• Balsa Wood Crow
• Sappensopp Days
• Blötzmann Manoeuvres
• They’ve Stolen Dobson’s Brain!
• Blenkinsop

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 28th March 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by MrUllmi.

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Dobson’s Six Lectures On Fruit were among the most highly-regarded of his works, held in an esteem that the contemporary reader finds unfathomable. Revisiting these pamphlets, it swiftly becomes apparent that Dobson has no idea what he’s talking about. The revised view of the Lectures is put best by one upstart young Dobson scholar, who dismisses them as “bloviating and orotund”.

• Celebrity Flibbertigibbet Attic
• Six Lectures On Fruit
• Where Eagles Dare
• Emboldened, In Gumboots
• Vagrant Goat God
• My Brother’s Cistern And My Sister’s Cistern
• At Long Last, An Answer To The Blodgett Duffel Bag Query

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 14th March 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Chris B in SEA.

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I stared at the cows, and the cows stared back.

They showed no sign of letting me pass. And then it dawned on me that they must have been sent as emissaries to stop me returning to the prog rock bewilderment home where Primrose tended to ghouls. The cows were trying to save me from becoming a ghoul myself, and urging me, in their quiet, cow-like way, to turn around, and to return in the direction of the horrible cave!

• The Horrible Cave : Part One
• The Horrible Cave : Part Two
• The Horrible Cave : Part Three
• The Horrible Cave : Part Four

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 7th March 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by I-Man–10N.

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There was a heroic bus driver, and his name was Kim Fat Goo. He drove his bus through puddles. He drove it straight and true, though he swerved if he saw a duck or a pig or an infant human tiny or a succubus or an incubus as he steered towards the briny. He drove his bus across Pointy Town, heading for the sea. At the beach he stopped to let passengers off and he drank a flask of tea. Oh, Kim Fat Goo he drained his flask and he tipped the dregs in the sand, and he idled awhile on the promenade and he watched a spaceship land.

Out poured a gaggle of alien beings with flippers and antennae and claws and flagrant disregard for the rubric of Pointy Town laws.

• The Heroic Bus Driver Of Pointy Town
• The Ebbing Away Of The Age Of Gilded Tin Baths
• A Weekend With An Owl God
• Aztec Fundamentalism
• The Central Lever
• Old Halob : A Biographical Note
• Exciting Gruel Recipe Quiz
• Quotation from The Song Of The Cakes by Nat Schakner & Arthur L. Zagat

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 28th February 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Frank Riva.

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Miles away, Dobson was smoking his pipe and lackadaisically paying out the wool, hand over hand. Suddenly, he felt it jerk, and held on tight. And then he was yanked free of the thorny brambly creeping greenery rife with puffy spiders and venomous beetles and dragged across a wasteland of fields and gravel pits and sumps and countryside filth until he fetched up at the feet of the commandos who reeled him in, just as midnight struck.

• Cow Byre Tsar
• Satan’s Spa
• Tremendous Potato Urgency
• All Hail Yoko!
• One In A Series Of Hiking Pickles
• Gubbins Music
• Strictly Pamphleteering
• Father Hopkins, SJ

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 21st February 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Nigel Jones.

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“Hearken ye, stooped mendicant at my gate! I am Good King Wenceslas, and I am looking out, and I can see you, poor and shivering in your rags, for the snow is deep and crisp and even.

There are not even any tracks in the frozen white expanse, such as would be made by wolves or bears. Wait there at my gate, O wretch, and shortly I shall descend from my castle ramparts and join you in the snow!”

• Chump And Flapper
• Good King Wenceslas Impersonation Incident
• The Socks Of Pepintude
• Bronchitis Person’s Helicopter Journey
• Muder In The Murk

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 7th February 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Mixmaster.

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The out-of-print pamphleteer had a deep and abiding reluctance to pay for gas, and often considered living somewhere powered entirely by electricity, or the wind or the sun, or indeed existing without being dependent upon any source of energy whatsoever. But, as Marigold Chew has noted, rail as Dobson might, he was drawn inexorably to the blue, blue flames of burning gas, a man mesmerised.

• The New Goat
• It Was Dusk
• The Bilgewater Elegies

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 31st January 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by ambientfusion.

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