Dut dut d-deeeeeeerrrrrr…BRAN FACE to the rescue…[whoosh]

Stomach cramps, constipation or just feeling a bit under the weather? Some scientists recommend increasing your intake of bran to aid bad digestion and combat the signs of dreadful horrible disgusting old age.

BRAN FACE has been nutritionally trained to military standards, and will kick your guts into fully functioning tubes of polished stainless steel-like beauty. Plus, BRAN FACE guarantees to remove those unsightly ghastly vomit-inducing wrinkles and make your hair shiny and soft and nice.

BRAN FACE – HE’S TOTALLY WICKED MATE

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marvin suicide 2nd December 2008 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Marvin suicide wants to be your friend, and in certain cases your lover.

All the music played on this programme has been sourced freely and legally from the internet. It’s like fairtrade music, but not really.

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marvin suicide 26th November 2008 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This episode has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the 1971 film Vanishing Point. Nothing at all.

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marvin suicide episode 171 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“My name is Howard, I’m a carpenter and for about 4 months now I’ve been listening to marvin suicide. I also watch Celebrity Come Dine With Me.”

“Well done Howard – publicy admitting our failures is the first step to purging them from our lives. By opening ourselves up from the inside, is it only possible to let the love flow in from the outside.”

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marvin suicide episode 170 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Hello.

I found myself watching a television programme the other morning where trendy hipsters were turning doing tricks on “snowboards”. Accompanying the filming of these athletic groovsters was a typically annoying commentator informing the audience of the numerous tricks and stunts being performed.

“Oh my gosh. A half-scratch-rail-grind…with a nose twist! Unbelievable.”

The commentator was one of those types where it’s hard to tell if they actually know anything about what they’re watching, or are just reading random phrases from a printed sheet of paper placed in front of them.

As I was pondering this, I heard a phrase that (for me at least) seemed to sum up the idiotic presenting style currently preferred by most media outlets:

“Ooooooooooooh, like an angel giving birth…that was beautiful.”

I don’t wish to repeat my response to this commentator’s description of a person contorting their body mid-air with their feet strapped to an oversized ski, but let’s just say the majority of  words spat from my mouth are not likely to appear in the television programme Countdown.

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marvin suicide episode 169 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

For months he ran. Never stopping. Never sleeping.

On the 65th day he stopped.

Giving up was the only option he had left.

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marvin suicide episode 168 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I was roller skating to the factory last night along my usual route and about 15 minutes into the journey noticed the sound of someone else on skates behind me. I looked round (as inconspicuously as one can on roller skates) and saw a figure dressed in dark purple with one of those pollution masks and a pair of blacked-out ‘Biggles’ style flying goggles.

Being a nervous person I tried my best to keep a steady pace without falling, but couldn’t help getting frightened as I heard the fellow skater getting ever closer.

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marvin suicide episode 167 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This episode coincides with the return of marvin suicide to the Resonance broadcast schedule.

Some people may be disgusted with this news and some may be overwhelmed with happiness, but whatever your emotions may be, please rest assured that none of this has any longterm bearing on your life.

So be you happy or sad, the moment will soon pass and service will return to it’s usual dull and unwavering tone.

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marvin suicide episode 166 [ 0:31 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Jeff Bridges: “Where does all this music come from?”

Celine Dion: “The internet.”

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marvin suicide episode 165 [ 0:30 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

In this ever changing world of technology, politics, environment and so on, you can always rely on this programme to provide a stable and constant supply of mindless dirge which has been likened to “listening to the Top 40 music chart with your hands in a meat grinder”.

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marvin suicide episode 164 [ 0:30 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download