Imagine you are in Ancient Greece, taking a stroll on Mount Parnassus. One of the Gods of Greek mythology suddenly appears in front of you. Imagine too that you are not of a placid and thoughtful nature (as I am sure you are) but a temperamental hothead prone to violence.

Surprised by the sudden appearance of a Deity – it does not matter which one – your first instinct is to lash out in terror and alarm. You sock the God on its jaw, cutting its lip. Now, it is not blood which flows from the wound, but ichor, a colourless ethereal fluid which ran through the veins of all the Greek Gods. If you are of a vampiric bent, be sure not to suck the ichor oozing from the God’s cut lip, for though it confers immortality on the Deities, it will be ruinous to you as a mere human, for it will poison you.

• Untitled Work In Progress
• A Refutation Of Some Of The Less Plausible Claims Made by Dennis Cargpan In His Woeful Lecture Delivered From The Balcony Of The Civil Hall At Bodger’s Spinney On Thursday Last During A Hailstorm To A Gathering Of Ingrates And Orphans
• Fictional Substance Of The Week
• A Series Of Unfortunate Cows
• A story featuring Tony Buzan

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 8th November 2006. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Steve Crane.

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This episode of Hooting Yard On The Air contains the story ‘Ice Chaos’ which was written including words sponsored by listeners, in aid of raising funds for Resonance FM.

Now, it has been pointed out to me more than once that I am hardly qualified to talk about extreme weather conditions, as the only weather we get at Hooting Yard is rain, sometimes torrential, sometimes a drizzle, and this is true.

What my critics fail to note is that, ensconced in a cabin somewhere over by Blister Lane Bypass, we have a superb forecaster. I speak, of course, of Little Severin, the Mystic Badger. When it comes to predicting the weather, Little Severin is second to none, not even to the BBC’s magnificent Dan Corbett. If you have not watched Dan, visit That’s The Weather For Now and be amazed. Little Severin the Mystic Badger has not yet been blessed with a fan site all his own, but it can only be a matter of time.

• Succour For Convulsive Infants
• Ice Chaos
• The Parish Wolf
• Dobson’s Chartreuse Weskit
• He Preened, Eating Bloaters

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 14th February 2007. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by Oneras.

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I was sent some tickets in the post yesterday, as a special treat. I know that Tim the radio meteorologist says that Thursday will be a day of driving rain and howling gales, and I know that it will be the fourth day of our fast, and we will be famished, but I am determined that we go. The alternative is that we spend yet another afternoon trying to tether the wild goats, and I am not sure I can take much more of that, so the balsa wood factory it will be.

• Deworming Your Goat The Hooting Yard Way
• Sieves And Basins
• The Story Of The Lame Dog, The Caged Bird, The Drowned Cat, The Gold Watch, The Whisky Boy And The Insane Boy
• Reading from The Insane Root by Mrs Campbell Praed
• Me And My Homunculus
• An Outing
• So You Want To Become A Haruspex?
• Docking Hack
• Orrery Sleuth

This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 1st November 2006. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website, and the perfect Hooting Yard On The Air companion Befuddled By Cormorants is available for purchase. Photo by ptrob59.

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