Educational programming for the attention-deficient.
The esteemed Professor L. Ron Breful explores the facets of digital technology for your edification. L. Ron’s discourse is aided by his talking computer and frequently interrupted by his teenage daughter, Margaret.
Musical distractions are provided by L. Ron himself and a whole lotta tourists watching girls bang a gong.
Following the well-trodden path of saying “hello†on radio and suchlike, attempts are made to orientate the listener as fully as humanly possible. However, the introduction is stripped of all credibility and matter-of-factness, as the dialogue was recorded in anti-realtime from within a phase inverted superelectromagnetic space-chamber which interferes with one’s perception of time.
I have it on good authority that in spite of the embarrassing proclamations herein, his parents are still proud of him; mainly because of the anti-realtime time disruption facilitator thingybob, a difficult thing to build indeed.
Tracks proceed thusly:
The long-awaited first volume in Frank Key’s important 26-part history of the House of Turps. In this introductory work, Key outlines the bilge and the bindweed, the dust and the dribble, the whelk and the drudge. The true founder of the House of Turps is here revealed for the first time, vile and crumpled and stinking of ragwort; not unlike the author himself.
After listening, the author asks you not to hurl your iPod over a precipice.
This story was originally published in 1989 in a limited print-run of 300 copies. For those who like to keep track of these things, a second edition was produced as a special gift for subscribers to the ReR Quarterly. This episode of Hooting Yard was recorded on the 16th of November 2005.
Waking the redZEROradio podcast from it’s slumber comes the dread metal mentalism of Drumcorps>> > drumcorps
Over in London at the end of March ’06 for a Torment ‘Laserquest’ party in Kingston that evening, we were lucky enough to catch the full Drumcorps set live at the ResonanceFM studios. The party featuring El Kano & DJ Wrongspeed was later closed by police in full flow.
The Tantarabim Carton was recovered from an old potting shed by Dobson, during one of his forays into what he called anarcho-‘patapsychoarchaeolontology. It is a ceremonial carton which was used for unknown purposes during ceremonies prosecuted by the Bleach-Splattered Tantarabim Priesthood. Grim and horrifying these rituals may have been, but not the carton. It is 45 cm. in height, has a jewel-encrusted crimplene base, ivory fluting, ruched silk underbelts, hectic trimmings, a delightful milky-green ribbed spandole, villainous scraping marks, a gutta percha rim, opalescent bison-head motifs, swivelling glutinous beads inlaid with serried gems, fleur-de-lys hatching, precise web-and-tuck dufraiment, talc stipples, a riband nightside opening on the velveteen casing, some rather brusque kaolin relief work, tiny cack-iron clips, berry lagging, a splendid gilt Spode handle, and corky frets on the oversling.
This episode was first broadcast on the 26th October 2005. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on the Hooting Yard Website.
Harmon awakes in the Global Village once more, where information, information, information is required. 307 is holding a modern art contest and villagers who fail to exhibit face, naturally, a terrible fate. Time for Mr. e. to vegetate in front of television for inspiration.
Later, at the opening, Harmon meets his fellow exhibitors: a shelf-stacking Tori Amos and one of Saddam’s daughters, showing a decidedly novel new air freshener dispenser. “What does it mean?” Good point, Damien.
Update: The wrong audio was attached, it’s been fixed now. Sorry!
Some readers will be familiar with the career of the Sino-Dutch artist Ah-Fang Van Der Houygendorp, the man who invented potato-peel engravure. Few people know, however, that he was a keen mountaineer. Keen and inept, that is. Ah-Fang was, if nothing else, a visionary, and he had visions of a haunted mountain, its peak shrouded in inexplicable purple mists like something out of a novel by M P Shiel. Whenever he sat shivering in his tent at base camp, Ah-Fang wondered if this mountain, the one he was about to climb, was the haunted mountain of his mind’s eye. He would poke his head out of the frayed flap of his tent, peer up at the majestic rock formation disappearing into the clouds above, and wonder if this, at last, would be the one he had dreamed of since childhood, where he would come face to face with the uncanny, the ineffable.
Physically, Ah-Fang was not really cut out for mountaineering. He was described by a contemporary as “a figure of untold puniness”, and he was indeed tiny and weak, short-sighted, lanky and prone to swooning fits. He was terrified of gnats, horseflies and fruitbats. He had an oversensitive digestive system and had to subsist mostly on thin soup or broth. It was difficult to find a mountaineering team willing to recruit so wretched a specimen, so Ah-Fang did most of his clambering up sheer rock faces solo, a man alone testing himself against the elements.
This episode was first broadcast on October 12th 2005. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on the Hooting Yard website.
The Resonance Radio Orchestra presents a new radiophonic work based on the life cycle of the mayfly. The score is written by Veryan Weston, the text by Ed Baxter. As well as the two dozen instrumental performers (whose instruments include laptop, vibraphone, sound effects etc), a special guest actor takes the lead role.
Harmon’s benevolent captors insist that his mind-balance will be improved if he takes a holiday. But where to go, when everywhere in the Global Village is the same?
Well, for a start, there’s Loser’s Glitch, a town populated with bloodthirsty improvising musicians and policed by cranky ex-EastEnder Ms. T. Outhwaite. Now, that sounds like a fun place to spend one’s vacations. Happy landings, Harmon! Cliff Michelmore presents.
Today I am going to talk to you – at you – about wisps and clumps. Gaining an insight into wisps and clumps will not give you a complete understanding of the physical universe in all its matchless wonder, but it is a start. Indeed I can think of few subjects which prove a better introduction. Some might talk to you of toads or gazelles or coconut matting, perhaps, or of strange irrefragible lights in the maritime skies, but I stick to wisps and clumps, with occasional forays into bee world.
So, then, what is a wisp and what is a clump? We shall look at each in turn. A wisp might be made of smoke or some other fume, for there are countless fumes, gaseous and otherwise. One guaranteed way of seeing a wisp with your very own eyes is to stand next to a dying bonfire. If you go and stand there too early, while the bonfire is still blazing, perhaps with an effigy of Roman Catholic martyr Guy Fawkes engulfed in the flames, you will not be able to see any wisps, or much else, because the smoke will be billowing, making your eyes water, and if some scamp has placed any noxious substances on the bonfire, such as anything made of rubber or plastic, things will be even worse, and you may feel like choking, indeed you may even choke uncontrollably, and topple to the ground, helpless, helpless, helpless, as Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young were wont to sing, long ago, on the west coast of America. They say that David Crosby’s moustache is to be preserved as a national monument, but I digress.
Basically, what I am saying is: keep away from the bonfire while it is at its height. You want to go and stand next to it as the last embers are dying, for it is then that you will be able to see wisps of smoke. What are their characteristics, these wisps? They are light, delicate, and fugitive. You will see a wisp rising from the glowing ashes, and it will slink upon the breeze for a few moments, and then it will be gone. All that is solid melts into air, according to Marx and Engels in The Manifesto Of The Communist Party (1848), and this is certainly true of wisps, which are hardly solid in the first place.
This episode was original broadcast on the 5th October 2005. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard Website.
