Hooting Yard: Detective Captain Unstrebnodtalb

Trellis was mere figment, vapour. He appeared to different people at different times as a sort of phantom. He was a tabula rasa, on to which those who met him inscribed their dreams, their yearnings, their hallucinations.

All, that is, except Blodgett, in whose presence Trellis took on a terrifying reality. He would snivel, and Blodgett would have to mop up the snivellings with his filthy shirt-cuff. He would mewl, and Blodgett would thump him on the head, bruising his fist in the process.

After Detective Captain Unstrebnodtalb chewed up part of his head, Blodgett’s relationship with Trellis became even more intimate. Trellis would tell Blodgett all about the weather in Finland, and the nature of ice, and give him planks, and show him albumen. He would invoke disastrous plutonian gods, and have them frolic, miniaturised, before Blodgett’s eyes, occasionally tweaking the hairs from his nostrils. In return, Blodgett gave Trellis extra helpings of soup, winced at his frailness, concocted diverting bedtime stories and nautical yarns, and plied him with raspberries.


Together, they plotted dark and criminal deeds.

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This episode of Hooting Yard was first broadcast on the 11th May 2006. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Photo by Jeff Kubina.