Hooting Yard: Ornamental Pond Guilt

When Blodgett worked as a brain analyst, in the period immediately after a war, he became intrigued by cases of what was dubbed Ornamental Pond Guilt. One Saturday afternoon, pursuing his own projects in an otherwise deserted lab, he discovered that by exposing samples of dead brain tissue to an all-enveloping gas filtered through a Kleigland Sieve, he could never achieve the same results twice. He made his way to the canteen, notebook in hand, and scribbled down both the data and his conclusions while drinking cup after cup of nettle tea.

By chance, the canteen employed as mop-person a patient who suffered from Ornamental Pond Guilt. Pabstus V. was one of the first recorded cases of the syndrome, and though by no means cured, his condition was such that he could perform simple tasks such as mopping the floor of a canteen. Blodgett spilled some of his tea on the floor, and Pabstus V. mopped it up. It is one of the most poignant moments in medical history.

  • Theme from “The West Wing”
  • Sieves and Basins
  • Fictional Substance of the Week: Ichor
  • Sag Mir Wo Der Blumen Sind?
  • “Bloated Janitor” from the album “Effigies in Cork” by Vril
  • Hoon Hing Boom Bang A Bang
  • Mustard? Custard!
  • Ornamental Pond Guilt
  • The Passion of the Grunty Man

A transcript of the stories in today’s episode. plus many others can be found on the Hooting Yard website. This show was first broadcast on June 22nd 2005.

One thought on “Hooting Yard: Ornamental Pond Guilt

  1. rogo

    Is the music really “Bloated Janitor”?
    It doesn’t sound like the version I listened to – I will try again.

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