Extended version of “An Evening of Lugubrious Music and Lopsided Prose” Recorded at Woolfson & Tay Bookshop 18/11/11.
Archive for the 'Hooting Yard' Category
Hooting Yard: An Evening of Lugubrious Music and LopSided Prose.
Published by December 22nd, 2011 in Hooting Yard. 1 Comment
But what of Chamfer Ticktape himself? How did he paint, in swathes of brightly-coloured emulsion, the hideous countenance of the deckhand, without himself succumbing to gibbering, and to insanity? For years, the noted Royal Academician has refused to speak of his painting, referring all enquiries to his PR toady, a master of obfuscatory fol-de-rol. At [...]
Hooting Yard: A Dislike of Inappropriate Buttons
Published by October 31st, 2011 in Hooting Yard. 0 CommentsOn Easter Sundays and other Christian festivals the pointyhead detectives experimented with divan-arrangements somewhere between orderly and chaotic. They had never been able to settle upon an optimum disposition, for they were only too aware that some crimes were best solved with the divans lined up in a row, or in a stellar pattern, while [...]
As dawn breaks, up the slope of the hill toils the village wolfman, with his bucket of slaughtered squirrels and hamsters and mice, food for the wolf. He empties the bucket at the foot of the old rugged cross and while the wolf gobbles down its breakfast, he strides in his wolfman’s boots to the [...]
Hooting Yard: The Maintenance of Reservoirs.
Published by October 17th, 2011 in Hooting Yard. 0 CommentsThe field in which the howler monkeys were recorded is, of course, a very different field from the squelchy, squelchy mud-strewn one in which the jamboree takes place when the Community Pole-Vaulting Collective and the Avant-Colliery Marching Band have crossed the bridge and successfully negotiated their way past the heavily-armed sentries. Drawn exclusively from the [...]
Hooting Yard: Galvanic Batteries, Heads of Swans
Published by October 12th, 2011 in Hooting Yard. 0 CommentsIf the bandage is white, as is common, and the swan is white, as is common, the casual observer may not even notice that the embedding has taken place. That may or may not be important, depending upon the legal regulations obtaining in the jurisdiction. Some authorities take a dim view of the embedding of [...]
We learn, for example, about the lives of the threesome before their retirement. There is Bim, at the random grim forge, fettling for a great grey drayhorse his bright and battering sandal! And there is Bam, also at a random grim forge, also fettling. And Nat, too, at the next forge along the lane, and [...]
I banged my head on the baptismal font, but that was only the beginning of my troubles. The font was hewn from adamantine rock, and the water it contained, though of necessity holy water, was icy. When the priest slopped it on to my bashed head, I screamed at such a pitch that a stained [...]
The Non-fictional St. Poppo (lance not pictured) “After the death of Mrs Hawker, he fell into a condition of piteous depression, and began to eat opium. He moped about the cliffs, or in his study, and lost interest in every thing… “He took it into his head that he could eat nothing but clotted cream. [...]
They called him Blomqvist, and he was the village wrestler. He lived in a room above the post office. No other living being ever set foot in the room until the day Blomqvist died. They found him lying on his bed, as if he were asleep, but there was no doubt that he was dead, [...]